A Day of Reflection

I woke this morning to an empty house. I thumped down the stairs and put some water on the stove for my coffee. When the kettle started whistling I picked it up and poured it over the coffee grounds I had scooped into my French press. As I waited for the coffee to steep, I rolled a cigarette and thought about how quiet it is here now that everyone is gone. My brothers left yesterday, and my mother is off on her honeymoon with Roby. I suppose I grew accustomed to the companionship of my brothers; now I found myself in the social vacuum created when they all returned to their busy lives.

Despite experiencing some loneliness, I felt pleased with how everything went. In fact, I had surprised myself: I anticipated becoming run down and mentally weary with all the activity and socializing, but I feel I handled it rather well.

I ate breakfast, drank my coffee, and went out to smoke my cigarette. I thought of Fay, who sat next to me at the wedding. She knew my father from a kidney support group, where my father had gone when he was on dialysis. When she was leaving the wedding, she said to me, "Your father was a great guy. Very calm and content." Her words struck a chord within me, and I thought of my father's own words, "The most important thing in life is to be content." It amazed me that Fay described my father the same way he would have described himself. Despite his protracted illness, I never heard him once complain. He accepted what life gave him with a positive attitude.

Back in the house, I watered the flower arrangement that we had given to my mother. I'm trying to keep it alive until they return from their honeymoon. Some of the flowers are already starting to die, but I believe some of them will survive. I'll just weed out the wilted ones so only the live ones remain.

As the day continued I found myself dealing with bouts of nostalgia, triggered by a song on the radio, or a movie on TV. Apparently the wedding stirred up my feelings, making me more emotionally sensitive.

I'm going to try to get to bed earlier tonight so I can rise at a reasonable hour.

I hope to wake up to a world covered in snow.